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like a bed of roses, there's a dozen reasons in this gun.. [entries|friends|calendar]

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[23 Sep 2009|01:19am]
i truly feel and am alone. So alone eventhough i'm in a fresh new relationship going on 4 months. so alone eventhough i spend every waking moment with this person. i thought this would make me feel extra ordinary but i was mistaken again. Blinded by love again.
1 came out clean | !@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

[01 Apr 2009|02:23am]
you're excited for the showing,
i'm just excited because i get to see you..
the things we restrain from saying..
!@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

me and you could take off, before the wrath comes. [30 Dec 2008|02:46am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

the new year is almost here and i'm counting the seconds away. i've never been more RELIEVED to leave a year behind me. 2008 gave me the most insight i've ever gotten in my life and rather than be upset, i'm thankful. I experienced more emotion than ever before and i'm finally getting an idea of where i truly lie in this world. i think the things that happened to me this year have been necessary in order to make me the wonderful person that's standing today. maybe that sounded a WEE bit conceded but it's the truth. i've dealt with happiness, love, loss, suffering, pain, and a countless list that could go on. I've lost and gained friends, which i've come to realize only furthers my accomplishment of finding who will truly be there in my future. i've realized how detailed my thoughts are and i'm happy in knowing that i'm a strong individual, not like how i use to be. i use to weep over my regret but i can finally walk away, holding my head high, knowing everything will be alright.
guess it's safe to say, i actually have someone to thank for all of this realization. he may never know who he is, how i feel or ever read this for that matter but regardless, it's truthful. when you become so use to something over time, you start to see it die down. even though it will never totally disappear, it weakens as every moment loses it's specialty. that was never my intentions. i gave all the love i had to friends, family, him; just to try to make a balance between them all. my plan and love failed miserably and for what reasons? well that question has been a question i've pondered and pondered and pondered; and i still don't have an answer. i don't think i ever will get my answer. he might have begun this year, but he will not finish it. i won't let him. it's always heart over mind, heart over mind. but for once, i had to say fuck that. still till this day, i keep the memories of compassion with me. the fact that i had something no one else could even fucking reach upon. a romance that was graceful and intense. i don't know if i'll ever reach to that point again but i now at least can sit here saying "i hope so" and he taught me that. i feel myself moving forward now, never backwards. i see myself being capable of having a flawless love and that's thanks to him. if it wasn't for the selfishness, mood swings, chaotic parts; i might have never FULLY developed into how i am now. i saw something so incredible, rot down to nothing. and it wasn't just him; it was my family and friends that connected with it all. my world disappeared right in my very hands and what did i do? let every piece fall to the ground, as i was being taken for granted. not no more. i use to regret not being this way from the beginning of everything because maybe if i was, things wouldn't have went to shit. i would have my old best friend back, an even better relationship with my family and even him. 
all these "milestones" have left me to this point.
and here i am... typing this entry, getting ready for tonight, listening to music, still breathing.
and this is all ok, why? because i'm finally content with myself. i'm finally content with the people surrounding me, all of them. and i'm more than thankful that he helped me greatly appreciate this. i've learned to appreciate the new beginnings and relationships i'm about to endure in. appreciate the bundle of love i'm saving up for someone who finally deserves it. appreciate my family, the roof over my head, the friends who i confide in, my education, goals, mindset, just everything! i can finally live my life to the fullest advantage knowing that this year is behind me and it's time to start out fresh. i have my ambitions, my great friends, even my eye set on someone; and i will never let any of these aspects of my life down. this time i'm never looking back. i will never be wondering what if, what could have been. my life will continue to be my puzzle, i'll find my missing pieces, my perfect matches; and i won't give up figuring this one out until the very end.

!@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

put me to rest. what will i remember in the morning? [13 Dec 2008|04:38am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

I haven't been on this in awhile but in all honesty i'm so sick of not getting my thoughts out. this is only for my sake, i'm just trying to see things clearly.but anyways...........!
    Lately, i've been hurting. Right now even. I just feel as if i'm be so restrained to things i've once appreciated. ok, mabye i'm just going crazy right now? However, it's only the truth that comes out at this mind set and hour of the night. i'm just so sorry.
I feel as if someone is clenching my heart with their fist. I guess i'm really the only one that understands.
heh, me and my late night thoughts.
time to lay in bed, goodnight.

!@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

[18 Nov 2004|04:45pm]
who has a MySpace?!
14 came out clean | !@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

[31 Oct 2004|01:21am]
[ mood | hungry ]

HOORAY for going to Flordia w. Eric this whole week.

!@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

[24 Oct 2004|01:20am]
Nov.7-The Used, The Bled
Nov.21/ Nov. 24-Taking Back Sunday, Funeral For A Friend
Dec.18-SensesFail, Midtown, Moneen
Dec.29-The Starting Line
Dec.30-My Chemical Romance, Armor for sleep

18 came out clean | !@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

[05 Oct 2004|09:47pm]
Um.... Oct. 6th = my birthday! woop!

I got this from Sammi..

What Would You Do If:

I cried?
I said I liked you?
I kissed you?
I stole something?
I was hospitalized?
I ran away from home?
I got in a fight and you
were there?

What Do You Think of My:

Choice of Music?
8 came out clean | !@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

i was bored so i went back in people's entries and found this. [26 Sep 2004|10:42pm]

got this from


Leave a comment with your name if you want to know what I really think of you, and I’ll reply and tell you. No lies, all honesty.
27 came out clean | !@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

Finally got the schedule.. [27 Aug 2004|12:55pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

1st-Driver's Ed. - Mohar, B.
--Interiors - Paolo, C.
--Psychology - Wildermuth, M.
2nd-Spanish 2, Part 1 - Stout, J.
3rd-Algebra Part 2 - Ebhardt, L.
4th-World History/Culture - Marino, K.
5th- Gym - Mangino, D.
6th-Biology - Jasko, L.
8th-America Lit. - Stein, E.

Please, tell me if you have anything with me or know anything about these teachers.

30 came out clean | !@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

This time it's for real. [20 Aug 2004|12:35pm]
16 came out clean | !@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

i <3 this song. [19 Aug 2004|11:29pm]


"Missing Since March 11th"

Oh no..Look at your body, you tell me you're fine.
And I won't ever act the same again.

Oh and now your shaking, doesn't it feel nice to know
Doesn't it feel nice to know your face again.
Your heart is constant breaking. Suffocating.
And you'll drop the bottle (Drop the bottle)

I'm running out. That's ok
Running out was always my best friend.
(I won't say that again)
And I swear I'll never say those things again.

I'm running out. That's ok
Running out was always my best friend
(I won't say that again)
And here is my attempt to make amends.

A truth, a lie, a cut, a slut is all you'll ever be.
Answer the phone. Answer the phone.
Because I'm still an addict for your smile.

Where's sensitivity?
It's out the window with your smile and some dignity.
Sweety, we know you think I'm crazy.
But at least I'll be thinking about you.
(Listen Sweety, You're so crazy)

I'm running out. That's ok
Running out was always my best friend.
(I won't say that again)
And I swear I'll never say those things again.

I'm running out. That's ok
Running out was always my best friend
(I won't say that again)
And here Is my attempt to make amends

I'm leaving now.. if that's ok?
As if you noticed details anyway

I'm leaving now if that's ok?....You'll be just fine.

Come on girl, who you've been kissing?
Let's ask baby, who your missing?
You're the only reason I'd come home
Come on girl, who you've been missing?
(Lets ask baby who your kissing)
You're the only reason I'd come home

I'm running out .. that's ok.. as if you noticed details anyway
(I'm running out.. Im running out)
I'm leaving now that's ok.. .. as if you noticed details anyway

2 came out clean | !@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

Stole from this chick Katie [07 Aug 2004|02:27am]
Fill this out please, try being nice.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
29. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
33. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
34. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

Thank you<3
36 came out clean | !@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

[31 Jul 2004|04:39pm]

I was thinking about dying my hair black. Cause the last time I did it looked ok. But yea... I want o do my own highlights..and I don't know what color so

I'm Taking A Poll!##$%$%

...Blonde or Brown?

24 came out clean | !@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

stole this from Amanda [24 Jul 2004|03:47am]
As you can see i'm fucking bored.

Please, Copy, Paste, and Fill out!@@#@

I ______ Karisa.
Karisa is ______.
I think Karisa should ______.
Karisa should never _____.
I want to ______ Karisa.
Someday Karisa will ______.
Karisa can be ______.
The worst thing about Karisa is ______.
The best thing about Karisa is ______.
Karisa could improve on ______.
!@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

[21 Jul 2004|08:21pm]
Fill this out hookers

1. By what name do you know me?

2. For how long have we been friends?

3. What song reminds you of me?

4. What thought/inside joke belongs to us?

5. What makes me unlike anyone you know?

6. What is my best quality?

7. What part of you do I bring out?

8. Where do you see me in ten years?

9. What's one thing about me you don't understand, and wish you did?

10. How do you think I'm going to die?

11. What colors/scents/pictures/sounds remind you of me?

12. What's your favorite memory of a time we shared?

13. Tell me, am I a good friend?

14. Do you find me attractive?

15. Would you date me?

16. Would you kiss me?

17. What's one thing you don't like about me?

18. Can you see us as friends twenty years from now?

19. What's my favorite band?

20. Who's my favorite singer?

21. What would we do with a car full of gas and an entire day to ourselves?

22. What are my ambitions?

23. What do I want to be when I grow up?

24. Is there anything I can do for you?
25 came out clean | !@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

[17 Jul 2004|01:00pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I decide to start a livejournal. Because caleida is being uber gay.

Can someone help me out with the codes and lay out? cause i'm knew to this.

4 came out clean | !@#$%Only in movies can you replay every scene

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